Photo from Wikimedia
TIME, place AND NOTES
Summer vacation, 2019, on board an ocean liner crossing the Atlantic.
The primary characters are the seven children, who set about developing a variety show for an evening’s entertainment onboard ship.
The world has gone mad today
And good’s bad today
And black’s white today
And day’s night today
And that gent today
You gave a cent today
Once had several chateaus
When folks who still can ride in jitneys
Find out Vanderbilts and Witneys
Lack baby clothes
Anything goes.
– Cole Porter, Anything Goes
Times were once when songs of Jolson
Were gauged as being light and wholesome
No one denays.
Not many a thing stays.
And Kingfish, Amos ‘n’ Andy, Bro,
A million smiles that had to go
With little praise.
Not many a thing stays.
The Uncle Remus tales he’d weave
Beloved of old, they had to leave
Down trails ablaze.
Not many a thing stays.
And few still strive to act Othello
A married, jealous, blackface fellow
In Shakespeare’s plays.
Not many a thing stays.
The questions Megyn Kelly dared ask
For which she clueless was brought to task
Correctness pays.
Not many a thing stays.
Ten thousand fiddles in politics
Are played by cads and hypocrites
These cyber days.
Not many a thing stays.
– Jerold London, Many a Thing Stays
SCENE 1 – THE SHIP
MAJOR DOUGLASS (a widower) and his four children, MARC (20), ALEX (18), CAM (16), and HOPE (14), have boarded an ocean liner (say the Queen Mary 2) for a three-week cruise, New York City to Paris (via Le Havre) and return, as have CINDY WILSON (a widow) and her three children, DEE (19), KATHY (17), and CHRIS (15). At the rise the families are on the afterdeck apart from each other, looking about and engaging in minor family conversation (not audible to the audience). HOPE is drawing in her sketchbook. A couple of sailors are off to the side, doing something relevant.
CHRIS walks over to HOPE, and they stand a little apart from the rest. HOPE closes her sketchbook.
CHRIS
[to HOPE] Hi.
HOPE
Hi.
CHRIS
I’m Chris.
HOPE
I’m Hope.
CHRIS
Are you on the cruise?
HOPE
Yep.
CHRIS
Cool. So are we.
HOPE
The whole way?
CHRIS
We’re going to Paris, and back. For three weeks. I’ve never been before.
HOPE
Me, neither. I’m psyched.
CHRIS
Cool.
HOPE
[beat] Where are you from?
CHRIS
Richmond…. Virginia. Where are you from?
HOPE
Indianapolis.
CHRIS
It’s our summer vacation, this year.
HOPE
Ours, too….
And my sister’s graduation present.
CHRIS
Oh.
HOPE
She’s Alex. That’s what everybody calls her.
Her real name’s Alicia; and she’s just graduated from Herron High.
CHRIS
Cool.
HOPE
It’s a number one school…. [pointing] That’s her, over there.
ALEX sees HOPE point and comes over.
ALEX
Hi. I’m Alex.
HOPE
This is Chris. He’s from Richmond … //
CHRIS
Virginia.
HOPE
They’re on the whole three-week cruise, too.
ALEX
Cool.
HOPE
I told him it’s part, your graduation present.
CHRIS
[pointing] My sister, Dee went to Canada for her graduation, last year.
By herself…. Well, I mean, with some of her classmates.
DEE sees CHRIS point, and comes over.
DEE
Hi. I’m Diana. Or just Dee. Everyone calls me Dee.
ALEX
Hi. I’m Alicia … Alex.
HOPE
And I’m Hope. Just Hope, even if you hear Brat, sometimes.
CHRIS
You get that, too?
HOPE
Do you know what’s the worst thing being the youngest in the family?
CHRIS
Nope. What?
HOPE
Nobody listens to you….
Except once a month.
Once a month Dad makes them; and that’s the only fun thing.
I get to pick the day, each month.
ALEX
She’s hopeless.
CAM comes over.
HOPE
This is our brother, Cam.
CAM
Cameron.
DEE
Hi. I’m Dee, and this is Chris.
CAM
Cool…. I haven’t seen any other kids.
DEE
I’m afraid we’re the only ones.
HOPE
We’re enough.
CAM
[to HOPE] You’re enough, you mean.
You’re enough trouble for the whole ship. You alone.
HOPE
Speak for yourself, Cam. You’ve been in a lot more trouble than me.
CHRIS
[to HOPE] How old are you?
HOPE
Fourteen. How old are you?
CHRIS
I’m fifteen.
CAM
And I’m sixteen.
CHRIS
[pointing] And Kathy’s seventeen.
KATHY sees CHRIS point, and comes over.
ALEX
And I’m eighteen.
DEE
And I’m nineteen…. And this is Kathy.
KATHY
Hi.
ALEX
Hi. I’m Alex. Pleased to meet you.
CAM
And I’m Cameron….
Just Cam, if you want.
HOPE
Hi, Kathy. My name’s Hope.
And I’m the baby here … again … obviously.
KATHY
Cool meeting all of you. This is terrific. Are you on the whole cruise?
HOPE
Yep. All three weeks. To Paris and back.
KATHY
[to HOPE] How old are you?
HOPE
Fourteen.
KATHY
That’s not so young.
HOPE
Wish I were seventeen, like you.
KATHY
Mom always says, “Don’t go wishing your life away.”
MARC comes over to join the conversation.
MARC
So, what’s going on, then?
CAM
Counting, Bro. We’re up to nineteen, with Dee, here. And you’re a round twenty.
DEE
Hi. I’m Dee.
MARC
[pause] … //
ALEX
[to MARC, with a punch on the arm] Where your manners, Boy?
MARC
[to DEE] Sorry. I’m Marc.
CAM
And he’s no “kid” like us.
He’s all grown up. Right, Big Brother?
MARC
Twenty, and counting.
CHRIS
Fourteen … Hope. [points at her]
Fifteen. [points at himself]
Sixteen … Cam. [points at him]
Seventeen … Kathy. [points at her]
Eighteen … Alex. [points at her]
Nineteen … Dee. [points at her]
And twenty … Marc. [points at him]
ALEX
Stair steps. And it looks like I’m the odd one out. This trip.
HOPE
You?? I’m the youngest.
It sucks, being the youngest.
CHRIS
Tell me about it. I’m the youngest in our family, and they’re girls.
HOPE
So?
CHRIS
So … they monopolize the bathrooms all the time;
and talk; and freak-out, big time, if I even go near their room.
And … and they’re always whispering secrets to each other.
And to Mom, too. You just don’t know.
HOPE
When they won’t talk to me, I tell them to shut up.
CHRIS
Does it work?
HOPE
Nope. That’s when I tell Dad.
CHRIS
You’re lucky.
HOPE
To be ignored all the time?
CHRIS
Not that. To have a dad.
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